Eat anything u want.
If people make fun of ur size… Eat them too
Hospital Administrator: And how will you be paying?
Me: *Has no insurance* Dearly.
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8 year old daughter: I wish I had been born a twin
Me: You were a very hungry fetus-
Wife: Ok that’s enough time with Dad for today
Oh you’re a yogi name one picnic basket you’ve stolen
Now we know..
🎵If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my gourds🎵
~ The Pumpkin Spice Girls
In hell, every day is Thanksgiving and you’re never allowed to unbutton your pants.
“She liked it but it didn’t have a bay window for her cat,” said the House Hunters narrator before walking into the sea.
I wonder how many people have moved to Carlsbad, CA just to spite someone named Carl
I warned everyone that I take charades seriously and now three people are crying
The fastest and most deadly land mammal is a woman who has noticed another woman flirting with her man.