[thoughts of person talking to me]: He’s furrowing his brow, he must really be listening!
[my brain]: How do cows make cheese
Hot Shingles in your area want to give you a painful rash.
You Might Also Like
My husband just said “Do I look stupid to you?” Is this a trick question because it really feels like a trick question.
Me: *patting my wife’s belly* we have something to tell you
Her Mom: what?
Me: *patting her mom’s belly* I have a new disorder that makes me do this
Her Dad: are you serious?
Me: *patting his belly* yes
No one has a dog’s back like another dog. If a dog hears barking it will trust the other dog and join it bark first ask questions later….
Job: something you do to make enough money to buy three avocados at one time.
Therapist: And what do we say when we feel like this?
Me: That’s show biz baby
Google+ is not a “ghost town”, because a town filled with ghosts would actually be fun.
I swear my toddler yells at me in Vietnamese
If life had a ‘CTRL + ALT + DEL’ option, you bet your ass I’d be hitting that thing about 14 times a day.
According to legend, if you see a spider on Halloween, it’s actually the spirit of a loved one watching over you. So I guess if you see a ghost on Halloween, it’s actually a spider. Confusing but good information to have on hand.