Her: My name is Katherine but you can call me Bunnie!
Me: No, Katherine. I don’t believe I can.
HOT SINGLE MUMS IN YOUR AREA ARE LOOKING FOR YOU!
Oh god I hope it’s not another bake sale
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Let It Snow is my favorite song about people who don’t understand how weather works.
My dancing style could best be described as “Frantically trying to pet the ghosts of animals only I can see.”
Oh no, it’s raining! What do I do? What’s a green light? What’s a stop sign? What’s a blinker? Where’s the brake pedal?
If you also bump into furniture and apologize to it, you can be in our secret society.
Oh my god, killer snails are after us. Walk. Walk for your lives.
Dog: WHAT IF I’M HERE ALONE FOREVER
Dog 911: WHAT WILL U EAT
Dog: probably eat the cat LOL
Dog 911: LOL
Wife: What do you want to do for Cinco de Mayo?
Me: *sits on the couch and scratches in Spanish*
My kids: *taking out Ouija board*
*gets down to snails level*
IF YOU JUST TELL ME WHERE YOU’RE TRYING TO GET TO THEN I CAN HELP YOU GET THERE FASTER.