Taco Bell doesn’t have a playground because kids that eat Taco Bell can’t climb, or run.
Hotel room bathrooms really overestimate how much I want to see my own naked body.
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Baker: this new dough tastes burned and feels like twigs
Friend: tie it in a knot and cover it in salt. It’ll be PERFECT
I’ve decided to shave off my eyebrows and draw them in. It’s pretty cool, except when I have to redraw them to show somebody I’m angry.
Boss: Working at home is the same as working on location. Our technology will alert us if your computer screen goes into sleep mode, so don’t get distracted from your job.
[ working from home ]
no caffeine: day 6
-can’t think straight
-3 people are dead
“Can I speak to your manager please?”
“I AM the manager”
Me: The brake pads breaked.
Me: The broke pads breaked.
Me: Would you like chopsticks or a fork
My son: No thanks
Me: Guys, enough with the trash talk. Who called this meeting?
7 raccoons on Zoom:
sorry the church is on fire, did i mentioned i studied abroad