Hour 6 without sex:
(oh, you mean with someone else?)
Year 8 without sex:

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You can learn a lot about your kids by simply turning off the TV and talking. For example I discovered that mine are really boring.


Me: *buying leggings* I need these for my marathon!
Cashier: Wow really? That’s awesome!
Me: Yeah it’s 9 seasons long and 201 episodes in total


him: *walking into the kitchen* don’t you feel guilty eating Nutella right out of the jar?

me: *licking the spoon* only if I can’t finish the jar


build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for a day. set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.


Women are so confusing, one day they say they love hummus and then the next day they say it’s a bad birthday present.


MTV has ordered a reality show to follow a group of virgins. That sounds very interesting and riveting and get that camera out of my face.


“My pleasure, doll”
“My pleasure doll”

Commas can make a world of difference…


Hubs and I didn’t touch our phones at all during dinner.

Mainly bc eating crab legs takes two hands, but still, it felt romantic-ish.