@ramenfuneral: "how about an animal that looks like a cross between a horse and a barcode" - creator of zebras
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@abrianmc: I covered my gf with dough and raisins and put her in the oven to annoy her. Hell hath no fury like a woman sconed
@_SingleBabyMama: So, I'm officially off the market. Got a DM from a faceless Avi proposing marriage in broken English. We're planning a June wedding!
@So504real: Then: Me: I want McDonald's Mom: Do you have McDonald's money? Now: Mom: I want grandkids Me: Do you have grandkids money??
@PleaseBeGneiss: HER: *picking dandelion* blow this and make a wish ME: *fully inserting into mouth* how do I know when it’s done *spitting out seeds* oh it’s done