[meeting at amc network]
“Okay so how can we make everyone in Walking Dead look like they smell even worse this season?”
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
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white people eradicated entire populations for spices and yet the bay leaf remains a mystery
I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”. If it were a good morning I’d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
Overheard 2 dad’s at the playground wondering if my kid was as creepy as me.
Joke’s on them. I don’t have kids.
The pen is mightier than the sword if you have a really good pen and a really shitty sword.
Happiness is a warm puppy.
The opposite of happiness is a warm public toilet seat.
That’s not a halo. It’s the light at the end of the tunnel glowing behind me as I walk in the wrong direction.
It’s crazy how quick women are to cut each other’s throats over a guy!
I mean I’d understand if it were shoes….but a guy???
If I’m facing away from you during sex, assume I’m quietly enjoying a snack.
FB: you have memories to look back on
Wine: i’ll take care of this