How Am I Doing? I’ll Tell You How I’m Doing Volumes: 1-8

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Megaman is such a hard game! I’ve beaten Ice Man & Fire man but this guy just shoots me before I can even move. How do I beat Zimmer Man?


April Fool’s Day pregnancy jokes stopped being fun when my parents started getting excited instead of scared.


In the bathroom stall and written on the bottom of the door, ” Beware of Limbo Dancers” I wanted to star it and re-stall it one door over.


Americans pay for gym memberships and for people to mow their lawns.


Donald Trump was born when someone put a pinkie ring in a bag of Cheetos and left it in a lightning storm.


My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, “Who murdered this guy with a pipe?”


[dinner time]

me: what would you like to stare at for twenty minutes and then throw away?

kids: whatever’s the most difficult to make


Husband: You want to have sex?

Me: We probably shouldn’t because I’m coughing.

Husband: Ewww. I didn’t say I wanted to kiss.



[on the train]

Conductor: Ticket please

Me: *hands it over*

C: Lady this is a speeding ticket

M: *sighs* That’s why I’m on the train