I’d like to speak to America’s manager.
How am I supposed to “act my age” when I’ve never been this age before now?
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Cinderella update where the girl leaves her Invisalign on the table as she flees the party & the prince tries to fit it into the mouth of every girl in the land
“Blow on this.”
My therapist told me I should start making my own decisions. So I stopped seeing him.
still one of the greatest philosophical minds of our time
Play a fun prank with your kids by hiding a bigger Elf on the Shelf in your house each day so in a few weeks he’s 10 feet tall and they’re absolutely terrified of Christmas.
divorce lawyers waiting to open up after couples spent all the time together in isolation
[Wife watching news]: The tuxedo store was robbed. Know anything about that?
Me in super frilly tux: Nope
*Dog walks in also wearing tux*
Hillary Duff is short for Hillarious Dufflebag
What do you call the yellow ones?
And the black ones?
So the brown ones are-
-No we named those after dog poison.