@3sunzzz

How am I supposed to adequately complain about my sunburn with no lobster emoji?

You Might Also Like

@GrapeSodaJamb

free space program idea: when you bring a spaceship back to earth land it on a huge seesaw and launch another ship off the other side

@Rich_McCarthy

*Salesman smashes through window into living room* Evening, folks. Are you in the market for a new window?

@CoopSoSarc

I saw this lady vogueing alone so I felt bad and started dancing with her. Anyone know sign language for ‘Im sorry’?

@anylaurie16

jokes don’t kill people, people who don’t get jokes kill people.

@jnrbtsn

I’m far too cute to only have one ex-husband.

@ElleOhHell

I’m sorry, this suitcase is overweight. You’re gonna have to take some stuff out and put it in a different bag so the plane doesn’t crash.

@JennyJohnsonHi5

‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’ is the reason I always donate money to Planned Parenthood.

@rockymomax

[ultrasound]
DOCTOR: oh my god!
HER: what’s wrong?
DOCTOR: Ok don’t panic but it looks as though you swallowed a baby

@AntoKenya

Everytime you pull the trigger a bullet loses its job…HAHAHAHA!

Because it gets FIRED. HAHAHA! *I’m in tears*