@HousewifeOfHell: How are we supposed to fear a storm named Grayson? I'm fighting an urge to iron its prep school uniform or ask it for investment advice.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Bratterina: A 4 year old told me her mom went swimming in the ocean and a baby went into her ear and now its in her tummy and honestly sharks are now the least of my worries.
@J0hnnyBlaze: If she didn't reply to any of your 20 texts, she probably doesn't have good cell service. Definitely don't stop texting her
@SwedishCanary: When birds poop on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch just so they know what I'm capable of.
@dreamthievin: People who bend down to pick up a thread instead of running over it with the vacuum 37 times, what's it like to exercise?