Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn’t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It’s causing quite a stir…
How come when our phones fall, we panic, but when our friends fall, we laugh.
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*buys condoms* So I just eat these and it traps the baby?
16 zombie actors injured on movie set. Saddly no one noticed for 3 hours.
Justin Bieber was “Baptized” last night….
Or as the church likes to call it… “A failed attempt to drown Bieber”
Are you okay?
Did you take your cold medicine?
Why are you so nervous?
I never thought throw pillows would ask so many questions
Me: Wake up son!
Son: Just 30 more minutes please
Me: I’m borrowing your phone
Son jumps of the bed: I’m awake!
*hands cashier $100 bill
“Ya have anything smaller?”
*crumbles up $100 bill and hands it to cashier
The pottery scene in “Ghost,” except you’re slowly but steadily pushing the other person’s face into the clay.
Stomach: I’m hungry.
Brain: Chill out, dude, she’s in a meeting.
Stomach: I WILL NOW DEMONSTRATE A WHALE’S MATING CALL.
“Click to read this man’s secret to incredible 6 pack abs!”
article: hard work, diet, & exercise
me: I have never felt more betrayed