@ElgatoEsmio

HOW COME YOU NEVER HEAR THUNDER AROUND LIGHTNING BUGS?

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@BritXNic

“Creepy DM: I want to shave your legs.
Me: Ew”

On reflection this would have been a real time saver.

If you’re reading this, call me?

@mattZillaaaa

Only take relationship advice from people who have really healthy relationships. So, no one

@JohnLyonTweets

Food was bad, cabins were dirty, everyone but me was gruesomely killed. Liked the paddle boats. 1/2 star. -Yelp review of Camp Crystal Lake

@MacAnnabella

Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.

@simoncholland

This sink looks like my kids’ toothpaste comes out of a fire extinguisher.

@andreeahluscu

Funny how shampoo bottles weigh like, 2 pounds in real life, but when dropped in the shower they turn into a meteor.

@_steamy_mac

Alcoholism is a wonderful way to turn today’s problems into tomorrow’s even bigger problems.