@moose_chocolate

How come “you’re a peach” is a complement but “you’re bananas” is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?

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@johnbiehl

“Playing hard to get huh?” I say as I flip through your wedding photos on facebook.

@BritXMeh

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and you’re a Nigerian prince who needs my bank details.

If you’re reading this Adewale, call me?

@lisaxy424

Listen jogger, I’m eating fast food alone in my car, the last thing I need is eye contact.

@david8hughes

The casting of the Little Mermaid is a joke. You need someone who can hold their breath for an hour and a half at least or the movie just isn’t believable.

@TheAlexNevil

*The First Ever Rodeo

“…Does anyone know what we’re supposed to do?”

@SondraDeeMe

I’m the Cinderella of finding one shoe at a sale and not finding the other and losing my own along the way.