* drinks 6 pack of muscle milk *
* checks for abs *
How dare you look down on me, judging me with your judgy eyes and your judgy attitude and…
Attorney: my client means, “not guilty”
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PATIENT: I’ve been so stressed out lately. What can I do?
DR DOG (tail wagging like crazy): Studies show that petting dogs relieve stress
Bruce Willis reaches for his iPhone but accidentally grabs his iPad and screams because he thinks he’s shrunk
I’m starting to suspect the Christmas tradition of the kids cleaning the house for Santa while the parents nap is just something my parents made up.
Why yes, lady with a cracked IPhone, I’d love it if you’d hold my baby.
it’s finally my moment to shine
Meanwhile, in a parallel world…a banana slowly and seductively peels and eats a human, while locking eyes with another banana…
Parenting Pro Tip: If a 5 year old says he needs a potty stop, or he’s going to take a dump in the minivan, he’s not making idle threats
Farmers who aren’t pro tractors, what’s your angle?