@StarksWeek

How did we go from crappy gas station coffee to “Yes I’ll pay $7 for you to put that in a cup for me”?

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@Rollinintheseat

[Wheel of Fortune]

Puzzle: _’_ L_ _E T_ S_ L_E T_E _ _ _ _LE

Contestant: “I’d like to solve the puzzle.”

Pat Sajak: “Okay.”

Contestant: “I’d like to solve the puzzle.”

Pat Sajak: “Okay.”

@sparklepants4

its raining men! hallelu..*thud* omg are you ok? *thud* oh sweet jesus! *thud* *thud* oh the horror! *thud* WHY GOD? WHYYYY??

@BatBatshitcrazy

In the summer there’s only so many clothes you can take off. On that note, please send bail money.

@continentlbkfst

guy: man this water is warm

extremely narcissistic Luke: nah it’s not that warm this is like a different kind of warm tbh

@Snarfernini

A good education is pretty important, but I think being good looking might be more importanter.

@rotusbrossum

Somewhere right now someone is dreaming about you. Except your hair is different.

@joeljeffrey

[first date]

Her: I love cats

Me: (trying to impress) *pushes her plate off the table*

@Darlainky

An extra mozzarella stick could be the difference in a 3 star or a 5 star experience.

*me overestimating my server’s position on reviews