Them: CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON.
Them: YOU– wait, dude, this is a battle to the death.
Me: *mouth full of nachos* Yeah, and who’s the real winner here?
How do you ask a friend if she’s a human-reptile hybrid, but as a compliment? She never sweats and that’s for sure a third eyelid.
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Me: I’ll do anything to get healthy this year.
Doctor: Are you willing to cut down on sugar, bread, and alcohol?
Me: Let’s revisit this again next year.
At my age Friends with Insurance Benefits sounds just as appealing.
me: are u Scottish
me: then u could say i’m being kilt
I’m like Harvard. Hard to get into, but once you’re in, everyone is super impressed.
I took a “Which Friends character are you?” quiz and I got The Central Perk couch.
Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the Moon, and follow them up with “Ah, I guess you had to be there.”
I’m more BYOTP than BYOB these days.
I’m not superstitious, I’m just kindastitious!!!
Doing the splits is easy — slip on the first snowy step when taking the dog out and let gravity (and panic) make you an Olympic gymnast!