How do you say “bra” in German? Stopsemfromfloppin

You Might Also Like


Some kid at the pool: wanna see me do something cool?

Me: I don’t even want to see my own kid do something cool


GENIE: 3 wishes. But no extra wishes & no sex stuff

Me: why not?

GENIE: I make the rules

ME: I wish I made the rules

GENIE: …dammit


Dear Stephanie on Facebook,

I do not care that you are watching The Breakfast Club.

I only want to know what channel it’s on.


Had a 6″ sammich from subway today, and it totally didn’t fill me up. I get it now ladies, and I’m so, so sorry.


I’d like a progress bar over people’s heads so you can tell if they’re almost finished telling long stories or not.


Awkward=when autocorrect changes ‘sooner’ to ‘sober’ so email to 8 yr. old’s teacher reads “I apologize for not getting back to you sober”


inventor of the leaf blower: what if we just yelled at leaves until they moved?


If you come home n your dog gives you a lecture about smoking pot, you probably should lay off the acid too.


McDonald’s sponsoring the Olympics is like Jack Daniels sponsoring the prom.