Nomenclature is important when courting a lady. For example, “feminine scent” and “feminine odor” are perceived differently. You’re welcome.
How do you stop babies crying when you drop them? And don’t say ‘garbage disposal’ because that’s jammed now.
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If you want to look mysterious I would suggest painting your cornea with a sharpie. Always works for me.
There are few things more awkward on a blind date than looking up from your phone to realise she’s left.
She obviously wasn’t blind at all.
I know it’s International Women’s Day but I’d like to give a shout out to all the national and local women as well.
Just look at all these clinical brochures I got at the Doctor. Alcohol abuse, drug abuse, unprotected sex…
Sounds like a fun night!
Sometimes after a long hard day at work, it takes me 4 bars to get home
I’ve been waking up with a headache for years
Unfortunately I’m married to it.
The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.
Him: What gets you hot, baby?
Me: mmm, talk to me in an accent.
H: Zoinks, like, there’s a ghost! Let’s get out of here Scoob!
My phone case doesn’t expose the logo on the back. So it could be anything. I could be speaking on two mirrors with foam in the middle.