*Working at Walmart*
Lady: Hi these Thanksgiving Turkeys are a little small. Do they get any bigger?
Me: No Ma’am, they are dead
How do you tell someone that you want to set them on fire but like without hurting their feelings
You Might Also Like
We had 3 kids, but once TVs came w/ remotes we put them up for adoption
When one door closes another one opens. I should really get this cabinet fixed.
Cobra & Mongoose. He’s a cobra… she’s a mongoose. They say opposites attract but can two unlikely partners find love? No. Oh jeeezus, don’t look.
Prank caller: Hi, I’d like to speak to Agood Boi
Receptionist: who’s Agood Boi?
Prank caller: lol *tail goes nuts*
[guy in dark alley]
Psst. Hey, lady…
*opens trench coat*
*dozens of bibles fall out*
-our Lord and savior Jesus Christ
Genie: you have 2.81 wishes.
Me: i thought it was three?
Enter Sandman is my favourite song about why I don’t have sex on the beach.
[telling a scary story to a group of moths] and when she opened the door..[holds flashlight to face] she- AH GET OFF OF ME YOU GUYS
Me: Can I have some of your candy?
3-year-old: Can I have some of your beer?