@brennadine: "How hard up for cash do you have to be to wear a chicken suit & wave at cars," I think, adjusting the beak protruding from my forehead
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@VenisVal: It's easier to compliment a woman when you're traveling with a toddler. "Son, say hi to the beautiful lady with the piercing green eyes."
@KissabiX: Shakira: It's not you, it's me Soon to be ex boyfriend: *looks at her hips* Shakiras hips: It totally is you, you breathe far too heavily
@bngzyface: [At the gym] Him: Time for crunches. Me: *Already shoving Doritos into my mouth* Way ahead of you.