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@Spaced_Cowboy00: How I flirt with girls:
1. Walk past them 15 times
2. Go home
@mohamudmohamud: You know you are Canadian when 0°c and sunny is beautiful warm day...
@TheCiscoKidder: My wife went into labor this morning and I was excited until I saw that it's somebody's birthday on FB that I didn't like.
@YAppelbaum: Honored sirs, I am PRINCE KIELSEN and I am contacting you with exciting opportunity. I recently inherited an island but need a small amount of cash. Send a money order for $600,000,000 to my account and I will give you “Greenland.”
@PaperWash: me: how was your camping trip
5 y/o: good
me: what'd you guys do
5 y/o: camped
@Brianhopecomedy: It may have looked like I was doing crunches but I was just trying to get up.