“How is tofu made?”

Well, when an edamame loves an edadade very much….

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You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.


Women are like campfires.

Beautiful, hot, smell great, warm your heart.

And, both don’t like it if you pee on them.



When people try to play games with you, simply choose not to play. Unless it’s Naked Twister. Never turn down Naked Twister.


I’m a disaster playing scrabble with the kids. I know all these disgusting words.

It’s your fault.


They call it “childbirth” lest anyone think that women give birth to adults or kangaroos.


[at the vets]
He’s really bad. He can’t fly.
“He’s a cat though.”
[very sarcastically] oh I’m sorry is this the vets or the excuses clinic?



thats “crime” but in alphabetical order

organized crime


7 years ago i joined twitter dot com to keep up with one direction on x-factor and now i’m a communist


me: wanna go on a date tomorrow?
him: sure how about 8?
me: slow down. i was thinking we’d try the one first