@pakalupapito

how I’ve been all holiday

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@xLiserx

It’s October: For everyone’s safety, keep your blonde haired children away from all corn mazes. Do not let them congregate.

@Tommytoughstuff

ME: (in prison) Come on man! I know you can bust us out of here!

KOOL-AID MAN: *closes his bible and looks up* I’m not about that life anymore.

@Huntermoore

Everyone knows if you see a white guy with dreads you punch them in the face

@ElleOhHell

Jared Leto’s primary preparation for his role as the Joker was changing his middle name to Stil

@Skoog

shaggy: i can’t believe we ate all the chocolate scoob

scooby:

shaggy: scoob?

@johnbcrist

I just texted a friend a super hilarious meme and all he did was give it a thumbs up. I’ve never been more angry.

@TheMichaelRock

Me: Someone broke into the business next door last night.

Coworker: Wasn’t the building alarmed?

Me: Buildings don’t get scared.

CW…..

@Donna_McCoy

I keep trying to lose this last 180 pounds but he refuses to leave.