It’s October: For everyone’s safety, keep your blonde haired children away from all corn mazes. Do not let them congregate.
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ME: (in prison) Come on man! I know you can bust us out of here!
KOOL-AID MAN: *closes his bible and looks up* I’m not about that life anymore.
Everyone knows if you see a white guy with dreads you punch them in the face
Jared Leto’s primary preparation for his role as the Joker was changing his middle name to Stil
[password must be longer]
shaggy: i can’t believe we ate all the chocolate scoob
I just texted a friend a super hilarious meme and all he did was give it a thumbs up. I’ve never been more angry.
Me: Someone broke into the business next door last night.
Coworker: Wasn’t the building alarmed?
Me: Buildings don’t get scared.
my retainer gives me the weirdest lisp
I keep trying to lose this last 180 pounds but he refuses to leave.