@CelebrityChez: How long are you supposed to wait before you unpause the tv after your wife tells you she wants a divorce?
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@smint: Spending this evening saving Princess Zelda, because Princess Zelda has never 'accidentally' hooked up with her Sociology T.A. while abroad.
@LostCatDog: Cop leans over body: Looks like *removes shades* cement poisoning Or a case *removes mustache* of gravity Or *removes teeth* aaah gaah bwaa
@AddledPixie: I've trapped dozens of birds and woodland creatures in my room but not one has helped me get dressed, and they're just shitting everywhere.
@AristotlesNZ: Me: I don't like online shopping. I'm old school. I need to touch it, smell it, taste it. Her: I still need you to leave our lingerie store.