Having daughters is great if you want to get yelled at every time you hit a butterfly with your car.
How many children do I want to have? Kind of a weird question for a first date, but umm I guess enough to finish the temple
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Oh, the other kind of staff meeting.
all you need for a winnie the pooh costume is a red tshirt and courage
4AM: *wake up, need to pee* I’m sure if I lay here and ignore it, it’ll go away
5AM: *gives in and gets up to pee so can finally go back to sleep*
5:10AM: *alarm goes off*
A girl who’s literally called ‘Beauty’ walks around town singing about how stupid everyone else is. It’s a mystery why Belle had no friends.
Jesus: He who is without sin may cast the first stone
*guy with no legs throws rock*
“You said ‘without shins,’ right?”
Me: *looking through a telescope*: Wow, the universe is so beautiful
God: *placing hands inside black holes*: Thanksssss, it has pockets
I parked in the “C” section of the parking lot.
So, naturally, I had to climb out of the sunroof.
This is the coolest video you will see today.
Donald Trump says he’ll open up secret 9/11 files. Miley Cyrus says she’ll flee the country if Trump is elected. Connect the dots, people.