@OhhBradd

How many pushups can Ryan Gosling do?

All of them.

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@41Strange

After going to the doctor for a routine check up, Kermit the Frog finally finds out through an x-ray what’s really ailing him.
(Artwork: Joshua Kemble

@ClichedOut

How to get my attention:

1. Buy me food
2. Cook me food
3. Be food

@JimmerThatisAll

I just figured out how to deal with a situation that I was thrown into in 1978.

@WilliamAder

Not to brag, but I can unhook a bra using just a bent paper clip, some WD-40, and my reading glasses.

@sixfootcandy

HUSBAND: I can’t believe you’re in your 40s. You look so young.

ME: Nice try. You’re not getting the last piece of pizza.

@krisv_723

Your superhero name is your credit card number, those 3 digits on the back of your card & the expiration date. Comment below so we can all enjoy.

@samdunsiger

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.