“How was your day mom?” is teenager for I need something that costs money.
How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a cab?
You Might Also Like
[Saturday morning, 5:53 am]
[a tap on my shoulder wakes me]
8YR OLD: dad, I’m bored
Accidentally pronounced wifi as “wifey” and the hotel concierge said the password’s helping out around the house and being a good listener.
HER: So what’s your spirit animal?
HER: Lol, why?
ME: *leans in close* I also start my day screaming.
TV ANNOUNCER: Up next, the Masked Singer.
cellphones are ruining the Boyfriend Throwing Pebbles at the Girlfriend’s Bedroom Window industry
Why it’s called a cellular membrane and not a gene-jacket I’ve no idea.
My psychiatrist is mad at me, told him I could hear people but couldn’t see them…he said when does this happen…I said over the phone
[Alien vs Predator]
Alien: I can eat your face off
Predator: I’m not allowed within 100 feet of a school
Huh? People check their hand after picking their nose, what do you expect? A piece of diamond!