@huntigula

How much for the sentient racist skeleton?

“Sir, that’s Ann Coulter…”

You Might Also Like

@TweetPotato314

date: i like a guy who’s strong-

me: i can bench 130 lbs

date: enough to tell the truth

me: on the moon

@Where__wolf

A horse covered in floaties gallops happily toward a swimmin pool.
He sees a sign “NO HORSEPLAY”
He lowers his head
“Ok”
& sadly trots away

@JJSummertime

You guys realize “business up front, party in the back” is only about mullets, right?

@Hormonella

Facebook is terrific way to connect with classmates who haven’t aged as well as you.

@sineadaloftus

lawyer: hey can you fax that over to me?

Me: sorry we don’t do fax where I am

lawyer: where are you?

me: 2018

@MunkMania

You know shit’s getting real when someone bets their glass eye at the neighborhood poker game.

@Tmoney68

Not saying I’m lazy, but if we had a motion detector alarm in our house it wouldn’t have gone off all day yesterday, even though I was home.

@NomDeBenoit

Me: This recipe calls for one red onion…
Onion: Seize the means of production!
Me: Close enough