The reason I like true crime stuff is you can watch it and be like, “damn, I really do have my shit together. I almost never murder my whole family”
How much rent do I pay once it’s divided equally? That is the per tenant question.
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Hey girl, are you the final scene in the Sopranos? Because
me: what kind of dog is that?
me: sorry, *deep raspy voice* what kind of dog is that?
When a cop gently helps you in his car, promises you an overnighter & talks about bonding, he isn’t taking you on a date… I know this now.
My husband is outside watching a YouTube video on how to fix the lawn mower. I know this because the audio is playing on the Bluetooth speaker inside.
*7 talking to my father*
7: You were in a war?
My Dad: Yes, Vietnam.
7: Did you die?
The guy who invented folding chairs lovingly cares for his product which is a problem for his wife who has season tickets to pro wrestling
replace the chair in the Oval Office w/slightly bigger chair every day for next 4 yrs til trump looks tiny + his feet don’t touch the ground
When I was a kid, I used to flip my bike upside down and turn the pedals with my hands pretending it was an ice cream making machine. And that’s all you need to know about before online times.
Sick and tired of cooking videos assuming I have 40 perfect little bowls to put ingredients in. Grow up