When I am president, it will be legal to grab the waists of slow and distracted pedestrians on cell phones and race them along.
How much to learn the thriller dance moves?
“Ma’am… this is senior citizens Zumba class!”
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Shouldn’t all ghosts be naked? It’s not like your clothes die too.
My turd eating dog just spit out something I cooked if anyone wants to come to dinner.
When I see a dog tied up outside a store I immediately assume it’s been there for years & set it free.
There’s no toilet paper in this stall so I guess I live here now.
“I feel like a failure, doc. I’ve got 5 boys and they ALL work as hotel valets”
“Wow this is the worst case of parking sons I’ve ever seen!”
There are certain people who assume that I’m intelligent.
These people aren’t aware that I cannot tear off perforated paper.
Yes you impress me. But so does a squirrel crossing a telephone wire.
Have you ever stopped & thought about how there are hundreds of millions of really nice suits just buried underground?