@Moi_RaRa

How much to learn the thriller dance moves?

“Ma’am… this is senior citizens Zumba class!”

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@JPHaddadio

When I am president, it will be legal to grab the waists of slow and distracted pedestrians on cell phones and race them along.

@chuckconry

Shouldn’t all ghosts be naked? It’s not like your clothes die too.

@JJSummertime

My turd eating dog just spit out something I cooked if anyone wants to come to dinner.

@SonOfCha

When I see a dog tied up outside a store I immediately assume it’s been there for years & set it free.

@motrboatr

There’s no toilet paper in this stall so I guess I live here now.

@jazmasta

“I feel like a failure, doc. I’ve got 5 boys and they ALL work as hotel valets”
“Wow this is the worst case of parking sons I’ve ever seen!”

@Tharin_P

There are certain people who assume that I’m intelligent.
These people aren’t aware that I cannot tear off perforated paper.

@AmnesiaRose

Yes you impress me. But so does a squirrel crossing a telephone wire.

@fuzzypantaloons

Have you ever stopped & thought about how there are hundreds of millions of really nice suits just buried underground?