How pissed were the women on the Titanic who skipped dessert?

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Helping my daughter study for her geology exam, and apparently ‘hard’ ‘classic’ and ‘punk’ AREN’T the 3 different types of rock.

Who knew.


if going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions


i don’t care what anyone says Baby Groot is perfect and i would gladly trade any of my children for him


I’m glad humans don’t do the combo breed names like Labradoodle. I wouldn’t want to tell people I’m Germish.


Never really had a nickname in my life.. Except maybe that one time a bunch of chumps called me “The defendant” for a full day.


humans: we’re gonna eat you
chicken: shit, i guess i better lay some eggs to further the species
humans: cool, we’ll eat those too


Hey everyone who says aliens don’t exist.

Explain morning people.


Spider: Why are you terrified by me?
Me: Well the reasons I had have all now been replaced by the fact you can talk.


DOCTOR: Well, I can’t find anything wrong with you. I suspect the problem is heavy drinking

ME: Should I come back when you’ve sobered up?


(Animal spelling bee)

Owl: Your word is Mississippi

Snake: M I Sssssss Sssssssss