Helping my daughter study for her geology exam, and apparently ‘hard’ ‘classic’ and ‘punk’ AREN’T the 3 different types of rock.
How pissed were the women on the Titanic who skipped dessert?
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if going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions
i don’t care what anyone says Baby Groot is perfect and i would gladly trade any of my children for him
I’m glad humans don’t do the combo breed names like Labradoodle. I wouldn’t want to tell people I’m Germish.
Never really had a nickname in my life.. Except maybe that one time a bunch of chumps called me “The defendant” for a full day.
humans: we’re gonna eat you
chicken: shit, i guess i better lay some eggs to further the species
humans: cool, we’ll eat those too
Hey everyone who says aliens don’t exist.
Explain morning people.
Spider: Why are you terrified by me?
Me: Well the reasons I had have all now been replaced by the fact you can talk.
DOCTOR: Well, I can’t find anything wrong with you. I suspect the problem is heavy drinking
ME: Should I come back when you’ve sobered up?
(Animal spelling bee)
Owl: Your word is Mississippi
Snake: M I Sssssss Sssssssss
Badger: *in audience* OH FFS THIS IS GONNA TAKE FOREVER