Oh my god, killer snails are after us. Walk. Walk for your lives.
[How salad was created]
You know, it would taste better if there was more of us.
– Single piece of lettuce
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ME, TEXTING MY CRUSH: have any plans tonight?
HER: no not yet!! i’m totally free and available
ME: ok well have a good night whatever u do
[My date and I both speak at the same time]
Me: Haha sorry! You go first
Date: I was just gonna say I love this wine, and the food is delicious. What were you gonna say?
Me: Should male sheep be called heep?