Parenting styles often relax as you have more kids. For example my 1st born ate only all-natural, organic food. My 2nd eats broken glass.
How school works:
In class: 2+2=4
Exam: John had 4 apples.He eats one and gives one to a friend. Calculate the Sun’s mass.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve because if I wore it on my chest, it’d just get mustard stains on it.
How do people know spiders are more afraid of me than I am of them? Like, did you ask him? Because only one of us is screaming right now.
I offered to split the check but my date insisted we go old fashion and fight to the death.
50 Shades of Grey is also the title of the 101 Dalmatians alternate ending where Cruella wins and makes a coat out of the puppies.
4: Let’s play.
4: You can be the mommy.
4: You’ll have to figure out what all the kids eat.
Me: Nope, I’m out.
Her: All the men have jackets on. Why didnt you wear the sports jacket I got you?
Me: You bought me a ski jacket
Her: Skiing is a sport!
God: You’ll be huge and fat
Blue Whale: Dang
God: Awful eyesight
God: No predators- except other whales
Whale: I don’t wanna do thi-
God: Biggest junk on the planet
Whale: I’m in
Cats can use their whiskers to navigate in the dark. I use my toes. And shins. And lots of cursing.
Research shows vacuum cleaners can cause hearing loss.
“You should absolutely get rid of that monster,” said one furry, panting scientist.