The family pet is getting old so we’re all pitching in and throwing the dog poop in the neighbors yard when she can’t make it over there.
How to answer the door:
1. See person has arrived
2. Wait for doorbell
3. Count to five
4. Open and act surprised
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[ Medical Website to retrieve your STD test results ]
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“Walk it off” does not apply to everything.
Stupidity, for example.
You’re not walking that shit off unless it’s in to oncoming traffic
Cat Nurse: Let’s get you prepped for surgery. *licks patient all over*
Me: This is a beautiful flower arrangement
Host: That’s a salad.
When you get to Customs and they ask if you have anything to declare, “Thumb War” is not the answer they were looking for.
SON: dad why is my sister named Rose
DAD: because your mother loves roses
SON: i see. thank you dad
DAD: no problem, My Beautiful Wife
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