When your cat is giving you the silent treatment
How to build a nested list
1) Start like this
A) Then do this
Bird: I live here now
2) Make sure to get the bird out
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Once, just once in my life, I’d love a guy to grab me, pull me in close and whisper
I’m hunting wabbits.
Friend: Are you free this weekend?
Me: That’s not how this works. First you tell me what you had in mind and then I respond with either a “yeah” or a dishonest excuse
Cinderella: how many miles on this one?
Farmer: please stop kicking them
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg:
“The fat one won’t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?”
If by “be (your) girlfriend” you mean “catch spiders and hide them in your pockets everyday” then yes, I’ll be your girlfriend.
Honest ads – ‘Hot singles in your area want to be just friends’. ‘Hot singles in your area think of you more like a brother’.
Your baby is cute but terrible at helping me move.
[at the auto parts store]
Me: I need windshield wipers for my Chryler
Counter Guy: What size engine