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@karlainvt: How to grab a women’s attention:
1. Be a glass of wine.
@vanluvz1: I love the gym this time of year.
The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
@lazerdoov: Jerk chicken is just regular chicken that didn't let it's daughter go to prom
@SuperApple80: If I had a dragon, I’d be the coolest chick on my street for at least 45 seconds before everyone saw me fall off my dragon.
@abbycohenwl: Boss: I hope you didnt think about work while you were on vacation
Me: I don’t even think about it when I’m here
@lenadunham: To whoever has my old phone number: I truly hope you're enjoying those texts from that guy I met at that thing