I stopped using a CONDOM after NIVEA started offering 48 Hours protection
Why protect myself Twice?😕😒
How to handle a one night stand the next morning
1. Put on Titanic
2. He’s gone, that’s it
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I finally started writing the book on herbs I’ve been putting off for so long, I guess it’s..
:looks directly at the camera:
The strongest cat exists. Somewhere a cat is walking around, completely oblivious that it is stronger than all the other cats.
[first day as a vet]
me: what seems to be the problem
me: yes but where
And now for my next trick, I’ll turn your root canal into a ski vacation
My dentist: what?
What should we call this portable computer?
SOME GUY: Laptop
[everyone applauds…w/ tears in my eyes i crumple a paper that says Kneeputer]
“Salsa. Ballet. Conga. Waltz. Jitterbug. Tap.”
“Thanks for attending my dance recital.”
*feels the wind in my toe hair
I could have been a monk but I missed my chants
“I’m not even going to dignify that with a response”, she responded.