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@thatUPSdude: How to pick up a woman at Walmart.
Very slowly and team lift with your legs.
@LauraBenanti: I JUST SAW A MAN KICK A RAT WHAT IS HAPPENING WHAT DID THAT RAT EVER DO TO YOU SIR FOR ALL YOU KNOW HE COULD BE AN AMAZING CHEF IN PARIS
@ObscureGent: Fact: In the 80s nobody could have sex until someone started playing a saxophone.
@Parkerlawyer: Me, “Alexa, make all these people leave my house.”
Alexa, “Playing Nickelback.”
@bridger_w: I wish there was enough room on TV for another show called Judge Judy, but where people just stood around criticizing a woman named Judy.
@NrouteHQ: Me: can I see the dessert menu please?
Waiter: No. Not before you finish your vegetables.
~family owned restaurants.