FBI: you are so busted!
Me: omg thanks 🤭
How to rap like Pit Bull: Spanish Spanish Spanish Mr Worldwide DALE!!
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When the wrong number texts me
To find out your cat name, pick any name at random and refuse to answer to it.
I change Siri to a man’s voice and now it doesn’t answer any more questions and turns off for hours
The best revenge is living well. Starting after you murder the person who wronged you.
Um, products that have seals that read, “Do not use if seal is missing,” how are we supposed to know that a seal is missing if it’s missing?
Jesus, I didn’t mean my cheese wheel when I said you take the wheel.
her: wanna come over
me: can’t I’m at an office party
her: ur self-employed
me: and having a great time