How to resolve a complaint from neighbours

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Sees cute guy in the parking. Drops something so I can bend over & do the sexy hair flip. Forgets I have short hair. He sees me as seizing.


My bf: talking of politics, real world issues, upcoming events.

Me: do you think donkeys like the sound they make?


Interviewer: “Why do you want to be a librarian?”

Me: “I like telling people to be quiet.”


Me: I want to take you home and drink you up baby

Case of beer: I have a boyfriend


High school never prepared me for how many times I would have to fix a toilet when I grew up.


him: what do u wanna be?
me: I wanna be a cat that transforms into a misty fog when people try to pet me
him: wtf, I meant for Halloween?


Play Sharknado for an old person and tell them that it’s a live news broadcast.


[Catwoman’s Lair]
Robin: I hear someone.
Batman: Lets’s hide in this sandpit.
{5 min later}
R: This is a litter box isn’t it?
B: I think so.