[loses house key, starts a new life]
How To Talk To A Woman Wearing Headphones
1. Create a podcast
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Me: Are you surprised I like kids?
Him: I’m surprised you had sex.
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ME: Depends on what you mean by active. There are plenty of active volcanos that haven’t gone off in years
me: [trying to sound cool] I’m in a punk band
cute co-worker: that’s cool. What the band’s name?
me: [looking over desk for ideas] Inbox(29)