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@ShrugLord: How will the whales ever evolve if we keep pushing them back in the water?
@MaryKoCo: No, my kid didn't do the drawings I have up around my desk. I did them. It's my desk.
@michaelianblack: Took me three hours to drive home through the snow, but it was worth it because when I got home, my family totally ignored me.
@ScottLinnen: We have a ghost. Came home and found the fridge magnets rearranged: "I see dreadful people."
@Gooooats: Him: Did you adopt your dog?
Me: No, he's my biological dog.
@IamEnidColeslaw: I've matured a lot. For example, I used to listen to Fall Out Boy and break stuff, but now I listen to Mozart and break stuff