here’s a life hack for you dieters out there. if you bury food in the ground and then dig it up, that food is a vegetable now.
How you gonna accidentally send an inbound missile warning to everyone in Hawaii by “pressing the wrong button”? I had to click “are you sure you want to do this”, verify my thumbprint, and solve an algebra equation just to unsubscribe from the Mr. Belvedere fan club newsletter.
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Her text: I’m tanning. Call you when I’m done.
My thoughts: SHE’S NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED
Prince: should I use a ladder or your hair to climb up to you?
Rapunzel: DO NOT USE THE LATTER!!!
I was sad until I automatically connected to the local McDonald’s WiFi, then I was ~extra~ sad.
Thought it might be fun to go on American Ninja Warrior. Then I tripped over a rubber dog bone in my living room and put that dream to bed.
I think I’ve laughed out loud at this interaction like 3 times today
My pet rock, Simon, died and I was going to bury him outside but I set him down and now I’m not sure which one is Simon oh no
What if Rafiki was just holding Simba up to the light to make sure he wasn’t counterfeit
My 3yo asked what my favourite animal is and when I said penguin she yelled ‘NO IT ISNT’ and then she yelled at me until I agreed that my favourite animal was a bat and I don’t like bats. Or 3 year olds.
Sometimes I try to eat healthy but my stomach’s like “what if you die tomorrow?” and I’m like “good point” and I have a whole pizza.