@amandajpanda: "How'd ya get that bruise on your cheek?"
*remembers dropping her phone on her face in bed*
Me: Street Fight
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: I would've been terrible in 50 Shades because the second a guy said "I don't do romance" I would laugh and be like NOBODY SAYS THAT BYE
@myonlymizztake: [Bending down with my hands on my knees] "Where is your mother?" ~ me to anyone under the age of 30
@Jakexox: First woman on Moon: -Huston, we have a problem? What? -Never mind What's the problem? -Nothing Please tell us? -You know what's the problem
@rockymomax: PILOT: sorry for the delay, everyone. we'll make up some time in the air [1 hr later] PILOT: it is now 67:91 o’clock guys
@PetrickSara: Other women: Nothing is sexier than a dad holding a baby. Me: Nothing is sexier than my husband using his thundering dad-voice to frighten our children into behaving when I’ve abandoned all hope.
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