@Kyle_Lippert: "How'd you die?" "I got shot trying to save my fellow soldiers lives in war. You?" "I got trampled trying to save on a flat screen" "Oh.."
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@DirtMcTurd: [texting drug dealer] "You around? I was gonna stop by." Yeah what are u looking for? "I stopped doing drugs, I just miss you"
@TheFearBoners: The only thing more boring than Lance Armstrong's interview is the Tour de France.
@QwertyJones3: Mankind is capable of unimaginable feats of engineering and yet the windows on the airplane never line up with the seats.