Let he who is without sin throw the first stone. After that we’ll go by who has the birthday closest to today, then by height.
How’s the parenting going over here?
My youngest just told my oldest to “GET IN THE DAMN CAR!”
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Me: I save a bunch of time by not having to tie my shoes.
Her: What do you do with the time saved?
Me: *tying my dogs shoes* Sorry, what?
Told my son I was born with a cone shaped head because doctor used a vacuum thing to pull me out at birth. He now calls me cone head and is looking for a cone emoji to put on his phone next to my contact name. WE ARE ADJUSTING TO COHABITATING JUST FINE!
People who buy copious amounts of everything before a blizzard: Is there nothing in your house every other day of the year?
“Just be yourself” is great advice to maybe 12% of people.
If you press this button, you will get a piece of cheesecake but one person on earth will die so-
*me already pressing button* sorry, what?
I wanna be the reason you get out of bed in the morning, even if it is to make sure the door is locked.
[i drop my costco card in front of a hot girl] haha WOOPS! accident. yeah i have a costco membership. not really a big deal tbh
I’m not a professional photographer, I’m just a club photographer. I take pictures at the club & people pay me to delete them.