How come they only do that moustache oil for men? Sexism.
HR: welcome to sexual harassment training.
Me *raises hand* I’m gonna leave.
HR: it’s mandatory.
Me: There’s nobody here I would harass.
You Might Also Like
When I see a couple fighting I like to walk up to the one who’s more pissed off and whisper “We can make it look like a suicide” and wink
Her:”Let’s make a baby.”
Him: “Okay! Hold on.”
*goes to bathroom*
[5 minutes later.]
Her: “Where’d you go?”
Him: “You meant with you??”
Smokey: “Only you can prevent forest fires”
Me: HOLY SHIT A TALKING BEAR
The chinese translation for penguin is business goose.
First they came for the Fight Club members, but I said nothing, because…you know…rules.
I’ve just found a mole on my shoulder.
I don’t know how he got out of the garden but he’s cute.
I try not to tell people I had shoddy dental implants done, but whenever in a conversation, it just comes out.
All conclusions should be drawn in crayon.
Advantages and disadvantages of keeping bees in the pocket of my jeans:
– If someone steals my jeans and then puts their hand into the pocket, they will regret stealing my jeans
None that I can think of