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@Ygrene: [in bed] me: was that thunder? wife: i didn’t hear anything dog: [checking Dog Handbook] “in case of thunder, or any sound resembling thunder, stand directly on the nearest human head”
@IchBin_Rob: Me: *petting my cat* My cat: yes, this is great. Ok stop. I said stop. YOU HAVE VIOLATED THE SACRED TREATY THAT HAS EXISTED BETWEEN MAN AND FELINE FOR A THOUSAND GENERATIONS AND NOW YOUR HAND WILL BE DESTROYED BY MY PAW KNIVES.
@Pork_Chop_Hair: I’d be a terrible coroner. My reports would say something like: Subject is 44yo male. Cause of death, asphyxiation. Nice jaw. One unruly eyebrow. Strong hands. Excellent manscaping. We probably would have been great friends, possibly lovers. 8/10 stars.