[After Big Jewel Heist]
“We did it! We got away! Everything went to plan”
ME(holding my grappling hook I didn’t get to use): Yea it was ok
You Might Also Like
8y/o: What’s sex?
ME: [slightly uncomfortable] Umm. Well, what it is, umm-
8y/o: [to friend] Told ya he wouldn’t know. Pay up
Na Fa Fo Na Na Fo Fo -Sassy black girl giving me her digits.
support small businesses like a mouse selling tiny umbrellas or even a bee selling tiny umbrellas
Buy a “World’s Greatest Boss” mug and drink out of it in front of your boss.
AMULET: Touch me, and be cursed for eternity!!
ME: [picks it up] I feel fine.
AMULET: uh, I’m trying but- I can’t make ur life any worse.
Cross a mobster in the streets. Horse’s head in the sheets.
I constantly google “how to put your kids up for adoption” so my kids can find it on my search history and know that I’m not messing around.
If you’re 6’5” tall and drop something, I imagine you just keep walking, like “yeah, THAT’s gone now…”